What’s Holding You Back From Moving Forward?
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Something’s holding these people back. Bob misses the deadline for handing in his term paper and has to repeat the course the following semester. Kathy fills her garage with so many boxes and junk that she can’t park her car in it. Anthony keeps postponing taking the test that will allow him to practice medicine in California, and Beverly postpones finding an office for her new business. What do these four people have in common? “That’s easy,” you may think. “They are all procrastinators.”
Yes, that’s true, but why are they willing to put up with the dire consequences of dragging their feet? Bob can’t graduate on time. Kathy’s boyfriend is on the verge of breaking up with her because she’s so messy, and Anthony isn’t earning any money. No, they aren’t lazy, stupid or weak. Their lack of initiative is caused by FEAR. What kind of fear could be so intense that a person would rather hold back from completing a project and be willing to suffer the negative outcome rather than go ahead with things that seem simple or desirable to most of us?
There is an assortment of fears that debilitate procrastinators. The most common one is the fear of failure or judgment by others. Those who are terrified of not being good enough usually put off finishing anything to avoid criticism. Their greatest fear is looking foolish or stupid. That is why Bob doesn’t hand in his term paper. Some nights he gets only a few hours sleep worrying over it. He isn’t sure he can get an A and believes that anything less is a sign of failure. The more he struggles to get it right the more time passes until it’s too late.
Fear of success is Beverly’s problem. Beverly, a woman in her late thirties wants to start her own business. Each time she goes office hunting and imagines her name on the door, a small voice inside her head whispers, “If you are too successful what man will want to marry you and take care of you? ” Her mother’s generation were mostly housewives who thought their mission in life was to look good and make a lovely home for their husbands. What if mother is right? Would she jeopardize her chances if she competes successfully with men?
Anthony is a remarkable man who has earned a degree in medicine, yet is not practicing. He hasn’t taken the test that will license him to begin and can’t make himself follow through. His fear is a fear of the future. Anthony’s worst nightmare is that he will make a mistake and kill a patient. He is terrified of being sued for malpractice. He is unable to move forward because he thinks he knows what the future will bring and he can’t chance it.
Lots of people have messy garages and most of them have the same fear as Kathy, the fear of authority. I characterize it as “I don’t want to and you can’t make me!” In her teens, Kathy’s father rarely let her meet her friends at the mall on Saturday until she had done all the chores he set out for her He was mean, and she was still angry with him. Procrastinators like Kathy are still ruled by their rebellious inner child. The more her boyfriend nags her, the more she procrastinates. No one is going to boss her around anymore, no matter what.
Are you still wondering why you are having a hard time completing a task that appears to be simple, according to your friends, family or co-workers? Which of the four fears are yours? Fear of failure, Fear of success, Fear of the future or Fear of authority, and how have those fears held you back from moving forward? You can start to leave them behind now.
Gloria Arenson, MFT, treats stress, anxiety, trauma, phobias, and compulsions. She has authored How to Stop Playing the Weighting Game, A Substance Called Food, Born To Spend, Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing, Freedom At Your Fingertips and Procrastination Nation.
http://www.GloriaArenson.com
